I have fears. I am human after all. And I'm scared of lotsa things. But my prior fear is to wake up and see nothing. I'm not afraid of darkness but I realize that one day darkness will be the only thing around me. I will lie right now and say I'm not scared but God damn it I am scared. I will lose everything, I will lose myself in that darkness. There will be huge nothing. Only memories and they will finish me completely. So I admit I'm scared. And not thinking about it won't do me any justice. Maybe I am weak or maybe I've given up too easily but sometimes I sit and I want to cry because I don't know what to do. I'm just scared and lost. Hope is not working for me and neither does faith. I'm hopeless but I will always pretend I'm fine. I will smile and laugh, make jokes, get crazy with friends, love that special one but inside I'll be broken.
I wrote this not because I want someone's pity but because I needed to write it out.